Alex Blaine Layder

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:51:45 GMT

sandi_wandi!

Happy birthday, beautiful. I know we don't talk a lot anymore, and that I'm all over the place and also nowhere, but I miss you like burning and jsyk, JSYK, you're one of the best people I've ever met. The best kind of friend I've ever made. AND YOU SUCK FOR LIVING SO FAR AWAY, or maybe I suck for living so far away, OR PERHAPS WE BOTH SUCK IN GENERAL FOR OUR GEOGRAPHICAL IMPAIRMENTS. But, just. You're amazing, baby. GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU, RIGHT.

I hope today was good, I hope tomorrow will be good too, and OVERALL WELL BEING IS WISHED UPON YOU FOREVER OKAY. I love you, Pops!

(NOW GET OVER HERE AND WE'LL LIVE IN POVERTY TOGETHER. LIKE, NOW. NOW-NOW.)

!

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:39:40 GMT

~22~

Resolutions:

Here's to another one 'round the sun, peeps!

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:56:19 GMT

Heading to bed (exam tomorrow, ohmyfuckingod I am so not ready), but before I do I just wanted to share this:

Watch the fingers. Watch the cheek stroking.

Ngh. It's getting too easy *_*

this week I read my first Drake&Josh RPS so now I can finally use this icon as a bonafide shippah

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:58:36 GMT

Oh, look, it's random schoolwork sneak attack time again. Don't you just love those? One week you're lounging back, not changing clothes (oh, please, CLOTHES? They're pyjamas and you know it) for three consecutive days, eating crumbs off your sleeves and watching That 70's Show's NEVERENDING GODAWFUL RERUNS--aaand the next your up to your eyeballs in work that you're almost definitely sure wasn't officially announced by any one of your teachers. Almost.

It's a good thing I am ridiculously clever. You should've seen me today! My brain was on FIRE. And by 'on fire', I mean, 'I didn't fall over potted plants and managed to get out three sentences without suggesting my own chemical imbalance, YEAH!'

Also, someone shouted 'OMG YOUR SHOES! YOUR SKIRT!' at me today, on the street. Okay, yes, she WAS trying to sell me something, but let's ignore that for a second and just accept the compliment for what it is. Because, seriously. MY SHOES. MY SKIRT!

A few weeks back I was out w/ lady ZThuse, and some guy made a seriously EARNEST confession that went, 'You have nice legs, pretty eyes, and you smell GREAT.' Like, he was FROWNING. This was the most IMPORTANT MESSAGE he EVER had to communicate, and would not relent until I heard him out. This is understandable. In the context of that night, or at least what I remember of it, it was a remarkably sharp contribution. REMARKABLY. ETA, I forget to mention that this was hilarious mainly because he was standing on the OTHER side of the sidewalk and was probably a few good meters shy of being able to sniff THE PERSON IN FRONT OF ME, let alone me. Shit, I don't even think Z, who I was carrying on my back (no, but wouldn't that have been BRILLIANT?), was able to smell me. I choose to believe this is a good thing. Idk what the dude smelled, but it wasn't me. All the same, I TOOK THE COMPLIMENT AND RAN WITH IT. Literally. Because it was also creepy. The end.

Anyway, I'm done with this mickey mouse bullshit in two days. THEN I have a relatively laid back two weeks (save for Halloween, HDAKSJDFH), and then it's exams. OR, well, exam. Singular. AND THEN BIRTHDAY YAY I CIRCLED THE SUN YAY~

Until then, dumpage.

Commentfic and shenanigans from the past, uh, idek. Some unfinished, but I'm not the kind to give up (procrastination is so much better than failure), so I'm just declaring them wips :)

The One Where Arthur Sells Tongue B/C Being Rich Is a Bitch, PG13 from ras_elased's M/A kissing meme :3
Bath!hug, PG13, for the M/A hug meme. WEIRD HUG IS WEIRD.
M/A Sleepy!hug, PG. ART WOT ART? Art. Ish. Or something whatevs YOU KNOW I DON'T DO THIS.
Gonna Go Eat My Grape, PG. WIP :P For thisissirius's create-a-thing-day. M and A have an awkward post-kissing week.
W/A/M, or, Give It to Someone Special. THIS IS INSANITY. It started out as blah-blah'ing re: the awesome potential of Will/Arthur/Merlin, and then football and hooligans and then, well. STUFF. Also unfinished, but this is one I'm definitely updating at some point b/c I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR THIS and no one will mind if it sucks b/c HI 2,5 PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO LIKE W/A/M *waves*
M/A Pornlet: leather, R. 600 words of sexin' over at the fleet :)
Arthur/MORGANA WHAT WHAT: X Away From Home, R. HAHAH IDEK. Blame the fleet. Again, weird ficlet is weird. *shrugs*
I am Aghast, Your Favourite Man, R. Arthur/Merlin, unrequited for a long while, over at the kinkme. Linking this in the hope that the public shame will embarrass me into FINISHING THE GODDAMN THING ALREADY. UGH. I CURSE YOU, DERRYERE! But I give you a bonus get-out-of-a-curse-free card because you seriously need to finish this and you can't do that if you're cursed.

That's all? I think? Either way, THIS IS WAY MORE INTERESTING. dollygrip asked for music, and in the spirit of dumping things, I'm posting this mix I made myself MONTHS AND MONTHS ago when I started writing the BigBang. So there are a bunch of older songs in there you probably already have by now, PLUS I ALSO POSTED A NUMBER OF THESE INDIVIDUALLY SINCE THEN, but ooooh well. I have a cover to go with it, so I'm posting. I'M POSTIN'!

MERLIN AND ARTHUR
BLAH BLAH BLAH
THIS IS A MIXTAPE

Speaking of music! AND GOOD THINGS! crazyboutremmy made this BRILLIANT mix for At Least It Would Seem, which I'm still baffled and insanely flattered over (baffled wins most of the time, b/c ohmygod that fic. MORAL FAIL, ANYONE? D:). And I know it sounds a biiiit biased coming from me, but seriously? HDSKJF THE MUSIC ♥ I would've flailed over the choices no matter what fic/story/ANYTHING inspired it. HOWEVER, it DOES so happen tha these songs fit the fic just about perfectly and, just, YES and YES and GO CHECK IT OUT, PEOPLE! ♥

Merlin/Arthur Hug Meme ♥!

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 01:05:16 GMT

Who else needs this like burning? Tuesdays are just extended versions of Mondays and everyone knows it. I NEED A HUG. Merlin needs a hug. Arthur needs a hug more than anyone. And I have a feeling that you, friend, won't say no to a hug as well at the moment.

Totally and completely ganked from ras_elased, who hosted the jshgd brilliant kissing meme a while ago :D And also, just noticed they had a wonderful round of this at last week's fleet party (should really take a look over there if you have time, people. MULTISHIP HUGS THAT'LL WARM YOUR HEART, GAH ♥).

Now,

♥ Merlin/Arthur Hug Meme ♥

Hug meme! Make A and M hug. Is it a spell? Before a battle? A cuddle? The accidental expressing of emotions on escaping death? PUSHED TOGETHER BY MEDDLING KNIGHTS? Stuck in a hole in the ground? Everything works! As long as there are arms and limbs and the crushing of ribs, you're good <3

The rules:
1. Porn = allowed (WHAT WHAT), as long as it's still about the huggin' :)
2. Post your Merlin/Arthur hugs in the comments below.
3. No wank. Only love.
4. GLOMP EVERYONE ♥

Want to share? LO:

(w/o le colour:)

ETA!: we now have a hugs masterlist! ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE VERY KIND thisissirius ♥

I KNOW THE COLOUR OF YOUR SOUL OKAY?

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:35:35 GMT

Mondays are GETTING to me this year. JESUS. Maybe it's not the Mondays that are getting worse, but the weekends that are just too AWESOME to deal with? Because the weekends are great. AND DEAR GOD YESTERDAY WAS AWFUL. I made such an ASS out of myself in class. I hate when that happens, when you embarrass yourself in a way that AS IT HAPPENS you're already aware you're gonna be thinking back to this and cringing for WEEKS/MONTHS to come. The trouble is, this time, is that while this HAS happened to me before, generally there are either friends around who can make fun of it and then it's not that bad--or you know the people in the class, and they know you, and they know that sometimes your brains function like ass and that you occasionally end up saying truly inspired stupidities. BUT THIS CLASS, RIGHT, I'm like a complete stranger to these people. I KNOW NO ONE, THEY KNOW NOT THAT I CAN'T BRAIN V WELL AT TIMES, and then it's just embarrassing and awkward and FUCKING ANNOYING BECAUSE I BLUSHED LIKE A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS.

And then on the train back I was in the same compartment as two people from my class, and they just went, 'Yeah, we're, just gonna...' AND THEN THEY TOOK OUT THEIR BOOKS AND READ. I cannot understand this level of SOCIAL REFUSAL. I don't care that you're a lit major, homeboy. There is no excuse for not even trying to have stunted conversations and painful silences before you give up altogether.

...But then again, then I get to come home and use awkward gangster speak in my lj posts and I guess the world really can't be all that bad. RIGHT. SHORTIES.

:D

What Merlin character am I most like?
MY THREAD
(jsyk, farmer#26 is totally acceptable, too. OR MORRIS. Shit, I'd love to be Morris. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THAT KID GETS TO ANGST? People throw knives at him! No one knows his name! He has to linger just outside of shots all the freggin' time! God! FHL!)

LOL, btw. LOL LIKE A MILLION LOLLERBLADES LOLLING DOWN THE LOLLEROAD: Arthur/Gwen/Lancelot/Merlin. SERIOUSLY. Take the bunch of them, put them in jeans and hoodies and tops and heels, and you'll get Arthur staying over (hiding out) at idk his bff? Merlin's friend's place (Gwen) because uhm some shit with his dad and a Polo match or something. Gwen is annoyed but hot, Arthur is 21 and a virgin and REALLY HORNY, they have some wine with dinner and make out a little. Flash forward next week:

Arthur: I LOOOOVE HER I CAAAARE ABOUT HER MORE THAN AAAAANYONE WE'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER I'VE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS ABOUT A PERSON EVER BEFORE SHE'S LIKE THE SUN AND THE MOON AND OTHER CELESTIAL BODIES THAT EXIST SOMEWHERE IDK BUT OH GOD HER BODY IS LIKE, IT'S LIKE THIS BEAUTIFUL ROSE BUT WITH TITS AND ASS AND--
Merlin: --Uhm. I. Stop, please, I--
Arthur: --THINK ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME WANT TO BE WITH HER AND LISTEN TO HER MUSIC AND--
Merlin: Dude I don't care go for it man, just please stop--
Arthur: NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY FATHER WILL NEVER ALLOW IT BECAUSE SHE IS A POOR PEOPLE PERSON IT IS ALL VERY TRAGIC AND I AM TORN APART AND MY HEART IT BLEEDS AND--

And then Merlin takes Arthur to a party where he knows Gwen will be and then Gwen is making out with Lance in a corner and Arthur locks himself in the loo and Merlin has to sit OUTSIDE the freaking door for hours and talk to him about fishes and seas and how Gwen's a nice girl but she was just the first and, well,

Arthur: NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SHE WAS THE ONE FOR ME I WAS GOING TO BUY HER A SMALL ISLAND OFF THE COAST OF SPAIN AND MAKE LOVE TO HER ON THE BEACH ALL DAY LONG.
Merlin: You don't even know her, Arthur.
Arthur: I KNOW THE COLOUR OF HER SOUL OKAY YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
Merlin: What's her favourite movie?
Arthur: SHUT UP. IT DOESN'T MATTER OKAY KNOW THE COLOUR OF HER--
Merlin: What's her last name?
Arthur: I--YOU--THIS IS NOT--
Merlin: How old is she, Arthur?
Arthur: ...but...the colour...of...
Merlin: Jesus. You're pretty desperate, aren't you?
Arthur: SHUT YOUR HOLE MERLIN WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO UNDER--
Merlin: If you come out now of there I'll take you to a stripclub.
Arthur: I don't WANT a strip club you TIT, I want DEPTH and LOVE and--
Merlin: It's okay, Arthur. Strippers have feelings too.
Arthur: ...They do?
Merlin: Yes.
Arthur: Oh. *PAUSE* Are you sure?
Merlin: Positive.
Arthur: ...Okay.

And then they go to a strip club and Arthur gets a lapdance from a girl called Clarice and falls in love again and writes her poems and waits her up after closing time and it gets so bad Merlin has to lock him in his room because he's a bottle of beer and a tiara away from getting a restraining order AND THIS KEEPS ON until some girl on the elevator recognises the music he's listening to and then he's forgotten all about Clarice and WHAT WHAT YOU KNOW ARTHUR IS THAT GUY. YOU KNOW HEH IS.

So obviously at some point Merlin has had enough of this mickey mouse bullshit and decides it has got to stop, and that Arthur needs to lose his virginity right freaking five hours ago for the SAKE OF HUMANITY IN GENERAL. What follows are a series of botched attempts to get a girl in A's bed, complete with comic relief background music and slapstick half-naked humour, and there is probably food involved. Arthur is down, whiny, and drunk and still horribly horny on Merlin's couch:

Arthur: IT'S DOOMED.
Merlin: It's not doomed.
Arthur: I WILL DIE A VIRGIN.
Merlin: You will not die a--
Arthur: CURSED! CURSED! Here I am, with the bone structure of a Greek GOD and the golden locks of a ... GOD WITH GOLDEN LOCKS, AND YET I AM DOOMED TO FOREVER BE A--
Merlin: SHUT UP. PLEASE. ARTHUR. I've been putting up with your capslock for the past HALF YEAR and I seriously--
Arthur: WHO WILL HAVE ME? WHAT IF NO ONE EVER LOVES ME? WHAT IF I WILL ALWAYS FALL IN LOVE WITH--
Merlin: Fuck it. *Puts beer on table with A DETERMINED AIR~~* Let's make out.
Arthur: .......FHkdjh?
Merlin: Yeah. Well. Shut up.
Arthur: --I--
Merlin: I SAID SHUT UP. And come here. NOW NOT TOMORROW NOW YOUHMFFdfh--

And then they make out. A LOT. And then some things happen, and Arthur's no longer a virgin. It's all very annoying, especially when Arthur tries to wake up him the next morning with the poem he's been composing while staring at sleeping Merlin like the creep that he is. But they work it out in the end. And Arthur loves him a lot. And Merlin puts up with it, somehow. Crazy kids!

(BTW, wtf Trinity?! There are no words for the insanity that is this show. Basically, Merlin on viagra meets History Boys meets Mean Girls. NOW I WANT CHRIS COOKE TO COME ON MERLIN AS A SNOOTY PRINCE THAT EVERYONE LIKES SOMEHOW BUT ARTHUR HATES, and he's trying to steal Merlin away. SO BASICALLY A REVERSED CEDRIC, only hotter, because ♥♥♥CHRIS COOKE. Also, that would give people an excuse to write BJ/CK/CM rps triangle. There is only one reaction you can have to that mental image right there, and this is it: YES.)

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:41:22 GMT

Gone for the weekend!

HAVE FUN WITH THE MERLIN, EVERYONE.

(gonna be on a looot of trains these coming few days. Will have a looot of time to stare out the window and drool. OR! Write. I'll be checking my email as best I can (TINY PHONE SCREEN IS TINY), so if anyone wants to hurtle a prompt in my general direction, that'd be awesome :D)

ADIEU, PEEPS ♥

I AM THIS HELMET

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:19:18 GMT

I AM RISKING MY LIFE TO BRING YOU THIS BECAUSE, AS WE SPEAK, derryere FUCKING ERE IS HOLDING ME (zarathuse FUCKING THUSE) AT SWORDPOINT.*

here is my vital message:

So, then, there's that one time Arthur and Merlin have the conversation about Merlin trying to be funny.

It's dinner -- venison again, dammit -- and Merlin livens up the meal with a wickedly amusing anecdote about an octopus and a serving wench he heard off one of the pages that morning.

Arthur is not wickedly amused.

"Merlin," he says, not bothering to look up from his plate. "We need to talk."

Merlin is vaguely concerned. "All right," he says earnestly.

"Sit down."

There's nowhere to sit. Merlin looks around and takes a single awkward step to the left. He hopes that's enough.

"Do you know," Arthur starts, gravely, "what you're not?"

"What?"

"Funny." He still hasn't looked up from his dinner.

"Oh," Merlin says. "Yeah."

"Don't try it again."

"Right." Merlin frowns. "Uh. Sorry."

Arthur smiles. He is pleased with the exchange.

THE END FUCK YEAH

*earlier she was polishing her sword and making pointed comments about externality. i fear for my virtue y'all. send help. or a jump rope and a tiara.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 01:34:15 GMT

SEE NOW this is what happens when you've got a midterm in five hours. YOU WRITE FIC. Or something like it, anyway.

Super belated EP1 codas. I've got some for EP2, but they're not done, so. SO. Those will happen tomorrow, THESE are happening now.

I'm Bolding This So It'll Look Like An Explanation (But It's Not, Really, It's Mainly Bullshit Hurray For Bullshit! \o/): okay, so, here's the thing. The new season? I do not know whether to laugh or go 'WHAT WHAT WHAT' a lot. CONFUSED YET AMUSED. SO! I have two codas. One accepting BBC's interesting take on both Merlin and Arthur's characterisations so far (ADMIT IT, secretly, you all LOVE IT. SUPER EMO MERLIN, GOD, we've been waiting that shit forEVER), and another slightly more redeeming one. Redeeming for whom, you ask? EVERYONE. EVERYONE GETS REDEEMED. AWESOME.

Coda 201a goes out to zarathuse, who promised to record a dramatic reading of this and publish it as a podfic. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BAD I NEED THIS TO HAPPEN. PLEASE HARASS HER UNTIL SHE CAVES, FLIST.

201b goes out to, uuuuhhh, whoever wants it. Does anyone even wants it? It's GEN. RATED G. WHO WANTS THAT? leandergasped, I think this is perfect for you. GOOD, CLEAN FUN. PERFECT.

(Let it be known that this is the most gen thing I've written in three years. The last one was about Neville LBottom being stuck in a living bunker with Seamus, reading Nostradamus and decidedly not wanking. AND EVEN THAT ONE WAS AT LEAST PG13. SO. SO!)

Merlin 201a/b codas | G | M/A preslash | A) Emo Merlin, You Are Emo | B) Sit Down Child And Let Uncle Arthur Explain To You Why He's Such A World-Class A-Hole | Beta'd by the lady. YOU KNOW WHO. cherrybina. THE LADY.

201a – Emo Merlin, You Are Emo

Madness, this place. Madness.

I am the armour

The armour is me.

I am sort of like this vambrace,

Clingy.

Or maybe like this hauberk,

Often an unnecessary weight.

Perhaps it's the helmet.

Hollow, and all . . . head-shaped.

I have a head. I am this helmet.

Arthur doesn't care about the helmet,

Arthur lets anyone have a whack at the helmet.

job

again.

201b – Sit Down Child And Let Uncle Arthur Explain To You Why He's Such A World-Class A-Hole

hell

"Merlin."

not

servant

want

meant

Clotpole,

always

Fine,

In the meanwhile, this. I recommend going through those pictures while listening to this song, then gazing a good fifteen minutes at that last shot. WHILE PLAYING THAT SONG ON REPEAT.

If you don't see the love by then, baby, you're a lost case. LOST.

OKAY. Now I'll go spend a while pretending to study even though I won't process any of it, and then fall asleep on my notes. DROOLING. ~*THE GOOD LIFE*~

ETA:

♥ Merlin/Arthur Kiss Meme ♥

Go *_*

MERLIN 201

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:19:52 GMT

zarathuse and derryere's INSTANTO REACTION:

"I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM, AND HE THINKS I'M AN IDIOT."

WHORECRUX. INAPPROPRIATE UNCLE GAIUS TOUCHING. FOR EVERY 45 MINS OF GAY, 45 SECONDS OF HET. WEEPY MERLIN IS WEEPY. AND PRETTY.

FIRST THING CEIGAN CEDRIC CORNELIUS DIGGORY DOES ON RECLAIMING A BODY: GOES TO NEAREST DRAG QUEEN FOREST. KILLS 30 RAVENS. CAREFULLY ASSEMBLES EVIL CLOAK OF FABULOUSA.

MERLIN: I WISH I WAS THAT FABULOUS. *KILLS*

HELLO ARTHUR'S CHEST NIPPLE. NO HEAD NECESSARY. Z: "I'LL PROVIDE THE HEAD."

END SCENE: UNCLE GAIUS' ROOFIED PIZZA.

THAT IS ALL.

Off to make cockies. YA'LL HAVE AN AWESOME NIGHT.

It's morning now

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 10:32:45 GMT

SO. Who else is listening to the radio?

Will probably take another hour, but HEY let's get together and FLIP THE FUCK OUT~

Things!

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:20:23 GMT

HAPPY ROSH HASHANA, BITCHES! Which year is it? Tet, chet, shin, something? I HAVE NO IDEA. SERIOUSLY. I LOST COUNT SOMEWHERE MID-5K. dollygrip, HELP ME OUT HERE.
ER today. FREAKY SHIT. It was nothing big, just some stitches that needed reminding what they were there for in the first place, but it's all fixed and pretty now. Still, though. First trip to the the ER ever! Things To Do So You Have Stories to Tell at Parties #345: Rush to ER in a cab. CHECK. Cool.
I TOTALLY CALLED THIS. JUST SAYIN'.
Murrrrrrliiinnnnn tomorrroooowww ♥ zarathuse and I are gonna make cockies. And Dragon Balls. SWEET.
Sharing is Caring
For one week, recommend/share:
DO YOU KNOW, what I need to stop doing? Writing half a comment fic and never finishing. It's getting a bit pathetic. I haven't finished a fic in over two MONTHS. MONTHS! I've started, numerous times over. I HAVE THREE 10K+ FICS WAITING TO BE FINISHED, and hundreds of smaller things all over the place. THIS THIS NOT ON. SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. IT IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.
Juliet, Naked. This is about fandom, about fans, about those who have to put up with fans, about the people we idolise and the people who are idolised. It's also just about people in general. SO, IN OTHER WORDS, THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT YOU. GO READ IT RUN DON'T WALK.
Thoughts on Glee: Purk. Puck/Turk. YOU KNOW IT'S HOT.
ETA: HDKJFH UHM, YES. Don't know how I almost forgot, since it's basically made my week. leechunsa made an amazing soundtrack to Accidental Memory, and--just. AMAZING. The art, the songs, the THOUGHT that she put into it--TOTALLY blew me away. All of it. GO CHECK IT OUT AND GIVE HER SOME LOVE, PEOPLE ♥

No comments for me today. NO COMMENTS UNTIL I FINISH SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Be it Virgil or fic, I don't even care. AS LONG AS IT'S DONE. DAMNIT.

Gifs! I have them.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:39:49 GMT

ALL SNAGGABLE :D

Sleeeep *___*

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:43:08 GMT

Sharing is Caring

Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

PICTURE! My outfit today. Because it was pretty goddamn kickass. CAN I SAY THAT? Well I'm saying it. I'M SAYING IT.

Phonecam = crappy quality. But at least now I get to say: ~IT LOOKED COOLER IN RL I SWEAR~

SO, in other news. When are those promos coming, HUH. Also, just asking, are there any Merlin ppl from in/around Dutchland who feel like a S2 viewing partay? I HEARD THERE WOULD BE--wait let me find the exact wording. AAH, yes, "'Excalibur' cookies. By which I totally mean cock cookies. Cockies, if you will."

IS IT OKAY TO QUOTE YOU ON THAT TEXT, DUDE? I seriously inhaled a tonsil when I read it. MID-LECTURE. European lit history, man. No one bought the 'NO BUT AGAMEMNON CRACKS ME THE FUCK UP FREALS!' diversion, somehow.

Antigone for Thurs D: This is the worst class for someone who reads 12 pages an hour. If you'd rip out twelve pages and put them on the ground and then put a snail on the one end THE SNAIL WOULD GET TO THE OTHER END OF THE PAGE-PATH FASTER THAN I'D BE ABLE TO READ THEM.

FUCK!

(still catching up on comments, old/not so old/ancient, SO! Don't mind me. AGAIN. I'll just keep on until I feel emotionally ready to procrastinate again :3)

AAAAAAHAHAHAAA

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 21:00:13 GMT

'Merlin and Arthur, or Colin and Bradley?' - link

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

OH MERLIN FANDOM.

~GROW OLD ALONG WITH ME
TWO BRANCHES OF ONE TREE
FACE THE SETTING SUN
WHEN THE DAY IS DONE
GOD BLESS OUR LOVE~

GOD. BLESS. OUR. LOVE.

CRACKING.

UP.

FOREVER.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 18:08:25 GMT

Snagged from areyousaved!

Sharing is Caring

Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

A song! Can't get this one out of my head lately. It's been on repeat for AGES, and really, why should I suffer alone when I can share this with my flist? Hmm? HMM?

Marina & the Diamonds - Obsessions

Also, in a desperate attempt to ignore my very first academic assignment of the year, I'm going around replying to old comments that I've been meaning to get to for a long time now. So, if you get a reply to something you posted like, a year ago and you're going 'WOT?', please don't mind me. CARRY ON AS USUAL, SOLDIERS.

(PS, uhm. BJ. Spoilers. Release date. THAT IS ALL.)

ETA: Oh yeah! Daily gif. Well, let's see. THE SCHOOL YEAR: Merlin isn't feeling it. Me neither, bb. Me neither.

MERLIN WEEK: DAY FIVE (A MIX!)

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:07:26 GMT

MERLIN WEEK: DAY FIVE!
(...it is five, right? IF NOT SSSHH I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT)

A MIX MADE OF COVERS
IS A COVERMIX

02. I Want You Back | DISCOVERY (cover) | THE JACKSON FIVE(original) | [Regret!]

When (ARTHUR) had (GWEN) to himself | (ARTHUR) didn't want (GWEN) around | Those pretty faces always made (GWEN) stand out in a crowd | Then (LANCELOT) picked (GWEN) from the bunch | One glance was all it took | Now its much too late for (ARTHUR) | To take second look | Oh (GWEN BABY) give (ARTHUR) one more chance | To show you that (ARTHUR) loves you | Won't (GWEN) please send (ARTHUR) back in (GWEN)'s heart? |

03. Take Me Out | GUILLEMOTS (cover) | FRANZ FERDINANT (original) | [Self-pity!]

So if (ARTHUR)'s lonely | (ARTHUR) knows (MERLIN)'s here waiting for him | (MERLIN)'s just a crosshair | (MERLIN)'s just a shot away from (ARTHUR) | And if (ARTHUR) leaves here | (ARTHUR)'ll leave (MERLIN) broken, shattered, he lies | (MERLIN)'s just a crosshair | (MERLIN)'s just a shot, then (MERLIN & ARTHUR) can die | (MERLIN) knows he won't be leaving here with (ARTHUR) |

04. Borderline | THE FLAMING LIPS (cover) | MADONNA (original) | [Despair!]

Something in the way (ARTHUR) loves (MERLIN) wont let (MERLIN) be | (MERLIN) doesn't want to be (ARTHUR)'s prisoner so (ARTHUR BABY) wont you set (MERLIN) free? | Stop playing with (MERLIN)'s heart | Finish what you start | When you make (MERLIN)'s love come down | If you want (MERLIN) let him know | (ARTHUR BABY) let it show | (ARTHUR HONEY) don't you fool around | Just try to understand, (MERLIN)'s given all he can | cause (ARTHUR)'s got the best of (MERLIN) | Borderline, feels like (MERLIN)'s going to lose his mind | (ARTHUR) just keeps on pushing his love over the borderline |

05. Faith | BOY LEAST LIKELY TO (cover) | GEORGE MICHAEL (original) | [Hesitation!]

Well (ARTHUR) guesses it would be nice if he could touch (MERLIN)'s body | he knows not everybody has got a body like (MERLIN) | Oh but (ARTHUR) needs some time off from that emotion | Time to pick his heart up off the floor | (ARTHUR) knows (MERLIN)'s asking him to stay | Saying please, please, please, (ARTHUR) don't go away | (MERLIN) says (ARTHUR)'s giving him the blues | Maybe (MERLIN) means every word he says | (ARTHUR) can't help but think of yesterday and (GWEN) who tied him down to loverboy rules |

06. These Days | THE TALLEST MAN ON EARTH (cover) | NICO (original) | [Angst!]

(ARTHUR) had a lover, he doesn't think he'll risk another these days, these days | And if (ARTHUR) seems to be afraid to live the life that (ARTHUR) has made in song | It's just that (ARTHUR)'s been losing so long. | La la la la la, la la. | (ARTHUR)'s stopped his dreaming | (ARTHUR) won't do too much scheming these days, these days | Please don't confront (ARTHUR) with his failures, he had not forgotten them |

07. Between the Bars | CHRIS GARNEAU (cover) | ELLIOTT SMITH (original) | [Comfort!]

08. Real Love | REGINA SPEKTOR (cover) | THE BEATLES(original) | [Realisation!]

09. Creep | DAMIEN RICE (cover) | RADIOHEAD (original) | [Self-doubt!]

10. Grow Old With Me | THE POSTAL SERVICE (cover) | JOHN LENNON (original) | [Determination!]

11. Close to Me | WHY? (cover) | THE CURE (original) | [Culmination!]

* BONUS 01. Master & Servant | NOUVELLE VAGUE (cover) | DEPECHE MODE (original)
* BONUS 02. Underwear is for Wearing, Not Showing Off! | JELLYBEAN! (cover) | SISQO (original) <- RANDOM, but christ, couldn't leave it out. PRETEND IT'S GWEN/LANCELOT, OKAY?

HAHAHA oh. Will never again be able to listen to John Lennon with a straight face. GOD BLESS THEIR LOVE, INDEED.

ENJOY! :D

ETA:

MERLIN WEEK: DAY THREE

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 22:32:54 GMT

MERLIN WEEK: DAY THREE

WHY YES I WASN'T HERE FOR DAY TWO. IT'S COOL THOUGH, because ya'll just went on FINE without me and hey, speaking of which, check out the Merlin shizzle that's been going down these past few days! I mean, as in, really. CHECK IT OUT. RIGHT NOW. RUN DON'T WALK GOGOOGO.

So, for today's activity, I want to talk about something I care a great deal about. This something is the insanity that is BJ.

This is BJ:

This is his flushed & sweaty neck:

This is the kind of face he makes:

This is him eyesexing Colin:

And this is the kind of crazy shit he says:

(Courtesy of gealach_ros's transcription of the SFX interview.)

"I find myself becoming a bit of a fan and wanting Arthur to find out about Merlin's magic. Because I don't think it can go on too much longer, with Arthur not knowing; the relationship is in danger of going stale if you keep going at the same pace. But I think there's been more concentration on other relationships this second series than on the Arthur/Merlin front. So I'm hoping towards the second half there'll be a bit more development."

That's an interesting point you make there, BJ. I'll have to think that one over. Okay I thought about it. I have thoughts now. Okay. Well let's go over that one more time:

"I find myself becoming a bit of a fan and wanting Arthur to find out about Merlin's magic. Because I don't think it can go on too much longer, with Arthur not knowing; the relationship is in danger of going stale if you keep going at the same pace. But I think there's been more concentration on other relationships this second series than on the Arthur/Merlin front. So I'm hoping towards the second half there'll be a bit more development."

...Does anyone have anything to say about that? Because I don't. HONESTLY. I HAVE NOTHING TO ADD. DO I EVEN NEED TO? DOES ANYONE NEED TO? ANYONE? ANYTHING VALUABLE TO ADD? NO? YES? I DON'T--I JUST--UHM, I, UHM. UHM.

So this is the part where I paste some of my favourite commentaries &sundry quotes. NO EXPLANATION NEEDED.

Everyone else:

Arthur

JFC THAT TOOK FOREVER. But hey, that was forever well-spent.

YES.

MERLIN WEEK: DAY ONE

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:50:43 GMT

MERLIN WEEK: DAY ONE

WHY YES I AM STRETCHING DAY ONE INTO TUESDAY. It was 1 AM for me yesterday ANYWAY. TECHNICALLY, THIS IS STILL DAY ONE.

AND HELLO, it seems like the universe has noticed the sudden surge of MerlinLove coming from this corner of the world, BECAUSE HOLY CRAPS NOT ONLY DID WE GET SEASON 2 PROMOS, WE ALSO GOT:

~~Merlin is aired on the 4th of September in the UK, so that means only about 11 days until its on!!!~~

(Brought to attention by voldything, who got it from the Merlin FB group. FINGERS CROSSED FOR THIS BEING SERIOUS BUSINESS, PEOPLE.) Higher brain functions: partly returned. Result: striking realisation that Sept 4 -> not likely/possible in any way. ALAS. But! STILL! No later than the 20th, fsure! WHICH IS ALSO V, V SOON! Less than a month, hale YEAH :O

I thought for today, we could do a fun meme. HOW ABOUT A FUN MEME? Let's do a fun meme. You can reply to it here, or repost it on your own lj, or just answer it ~in your mind~ and keep the lols to yourself. WHICHEVER WORKS!

MERLIN WEEK: DAY ONE MEME.
On a trip the BBC HQ, the fire alarm goes off for some ~mysterious reason~ that involve a wayward axe and some minor arson WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT THE POINT because while everyone is going batshit, you lock yourself up in a room. OH! LOOK! S3 MERLIN SCRIPT! You've got 30 mins to add whatever you want. Invent a character! Who are they? What do they do? Why? WHO ARE THEY HOT FOR? GO GO GOOOO.

MERLIN WEEK: GO.

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:23:25 GMT

'SUP!

So, some things happened, and then I had to go to the hospital for a little while BUT IT'S NOT BIG DEAL and now I'm back and it's chill. The only downside is that I can't really type for long periods of time right now, WHICH SUCKS, because if there's anything I do well it's TYPING FOR RIDICULOUSLY LONG PERIODS OF TIME.

But hey, give me a week, and I'll be back to stalking you pretty bbs like nobody's business. HEALING: You cannot force it. For the first two days. Seriously, my body has always known I don't do waiting. ALWAYS. IF IT WANTED ME TO GO EASY ON IT, IT SHOULD'VE COOPERATED BETTER, S'ALL I'M SAYING.

Anyway! That's not what this post is about. This post is about my fandom. M TO THE URLIN, DUDES. You know him. Cheekbone man, you know him.

THIS! This has been forever in the making. And with making, I mean 'we talked about it and said we'd do it but then I failed to do shit', and with me I mean zarathuse, cherrybina and me. When did it start? SOME TIME AGO. Maybe some of you remember, that thing I said with the .gifs and...the stuff? Yeah? No? DOESN'T MATTER. HERE'S THE DEAL:

MERLIN! I love it. It's lame and silly and I love it, and I know a lot of people who also love it, or LOVED it, or used to like it a little, or those who still like it but aren't that big on it anymore--and, well. We feel this show needs to get its love back. The eps just finished airing in the US, and the new season is starting in less than a month (DHKSJDFH!!!), and between now and then, LET US GET BACK THE LOVE, CHILDREN.

SO, we're calling this week an unofficial Merlin week. Starting today. JUST FOR FUNS. What can we expect from a random Merlin week?

Well, from us what you'll get is gifs and fics and mixes and games and memes and FOOD (<- NOT EVEN A JOKE, PEOPLE), and as for the rest--well, that's up to you guys.

Anything goes. ANYTHING YOU'VE GOT, REALLY. A meta post, a picspam, a drabble, art, anything. The only rule is that it's Merlin related, and that you make it with love sometime this week, and that it's posted somewhere. Then reply to this post (it's a sticky :D), which will serve as a masterpost. Participation is not obligatory, of course--we know everyone's busy, school starting and r_m drawing closer, so rest assured that even with just the three of us, WE WILL SPAM YOU TO DEATH WITH ALL THINGS CAMEALOTIAN NO MATTER WHAT.

STARTING NOW.

TODAY!

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 16:51:43 GMT

(SO apparently today feels like sappy twee songs. BLAME IT ON THE WEATHER. And on my disgustingly comfortable pjs. You see, apart from the fact that they are new and that I'm never taking them off, they are also pastel. OH YEAH. PASTELSSS. The colours of HOT. And with hot, obviously I mean retirement homes. BUT SEXY RETIREMENT HOMES. OH YEAH.)

It's almost 2 AM! THE TIME TO MAKE A RANDOM ATTEMPT AT CREATIVITY!

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 23:39:52 GMT

FOUR! AND! A! HALF! HOURS! later than intended and I'm making this post. Why? I'm not sure. I think it comes down to something more or less like, 'LIVEJOURNAL!' and 'DISTRACTING!' and 'M/A VID TO FERGIE'S CLUMSY LOLOL!' and other things that ended with an exclamation mark.

BUT ANYWAY.

Meme!

I miss fandom. ALL FANDOMS. TOGETHER. I hit my head at some point yesterday (HA NOT A JOKE) and now I've got a bump on my temple and IT THROBS LIKE A MOTHER so I'm not very good w/ the concentration right now, so I'm not writing. WHICH IS WHAT I WANTED TO DO. But instead, heck, let's do this:

Prompt me any ship, ANY FANDOM (<-- I KNOW RIGHT WHAT) and I'll give you something--ANYTHING--that isn't fic (<--I KNOW RIGHT DOUBLE WHAT)

Look! I'm crawling out of my hermetic shell of Merlinmerlinmerlin for this! TAKE ADVANTAGE, QUICK!

I JUST REALLY WANT TO USE THIS ICON, REALLY.

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:39:35 GMT

UGH. Of all the stupid things I've done, really. UGH.

So! I switched (phone) providers a while ago, but still had to wait a month to switch my sim-card with my new one. Somewhere in that month, I went to Italy, and then came back, and then forgot where the frak I put that stupid sim-card. SO NOW, right, my current card is--well. EXPIRED. And my working one has mysteriously disappeared in the labyrinth of junk that is my room. I mean, it's tidy now, I tidied it up after--OH WHO AM I KIDDING, my dad got so annoyed with walking past my room and seeing all the uninhabited junk I left behind for two weeks straight that he eventually broke and tidied it for me. I LAUGHED. THIS HASN'T HAPPENED EVER SINCE I WAS ELEVEN. But I mean--I say, 'tidy', but what it really is is basically a lot of junk pushed to respective corners of the room.

And in one of those corners, or maybe downstairs, or in a bag, or in a pocket or something, there hides my sim-card. As of now, though, my phone does not work. I am unreachable. Also, too embarrassed by how stupid this is to go back to the shop and explain the situation. Am considering fabricating a cooler story along the lines of: "Oh yeah so like I went to this party lol and this guy was saying something like, idk, about his phone being special or some shit and his sim card fitting in the other way around and I was like HA HA WHAT UR SO DRUNK THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT and then he was like UH NO IT ISN'T so then we totally compared and then mine fell and I was like SHIT MINE FELL lol and idek anymore omg I was so druuuunk~~~"

GOOD IDEA, Y/N?

First person to reply with anything even RESEMBLING a despairing shake of a head and a, 'oh, derryere', gets DEFRIENDED ON THE SPOT. SO HARD. Everyone's been reacting like that today. As if the fact I don't have a working phone isn't punishment enough, RIGHT. AS IF I AM NOT THE ONE SUFFERING THE MOST B/C OF THIS, RIGHT. AS IF I REALLY SHOULD STOP EMOING IN CAPSLOCK RIGHT NOW, RIGHT. YEAH.

Anyway! boxofmagic! Guuuhhhh D: Have been trying to reply to reviews, but come away blank and sad every time. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. You guys have been breaking my heart for a consecutive week, just reading your reactions. The thing is, I wrote it, and then I fucked off to Italy for two weeks. And then I came back, and then it got posted, and now, NOW, now I have the time to sit and go--oh yeah. That's what I wrote. THAT's what I did to those characters. THAT's how I started it, and ended it, and that's how I filled up the rest of it. And I keep replaying it in my head, every time I read someone's reaction, and all I can come up with is an even more incoherent version of: "DHFKJHDKJFH :((((((("

HAHA BEFORE, right before I went to Italy, as in--5 in the morning, before I biked to the station to catch the train, I called my mother. Who was in Canada at the time. I called her, (and this was two days after I finished the fic? A day, even?), and the conversation went something like: "Hi mum HI HI I AM LEAVING FOR ITALY NOW I just wanted you to know how are yoooou what tiiiime is it?" And my mother replying with a, "Uhm. Uh--hello?" "HI HI YES HIII I'M GOING NOW BYYEEE." "derryere?" "YES YES IT'S ME." "Oh! Hello! Bye! Have fun in Italy! Be safe! Email if you can! Say hi to--" "MUM I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING." "Oh--kay?" "SO OKAY SO I wrote this story and it was like, 75K which means 120 pages in Arial size 10 and I've been wroking on this for a long while and now it's really finished and I'm really sad." (At this point I was, like, ALL CHOKED UP. QUESTION NOT MY EMOTIONAL STABILITY. IT WAS REALLY EARLY IN THE MORNING.) "I--what? A story? You're sad because you finished a story?" "YES. MOTHER. I THINK I AM GOING TO CRY." "Because of the story?" "BUT MOTHER! You know how it is. YOU MAKE ART. Haven't you ever worked on a piece for MONTHS and then it was done and then you were like, OK. WHAT NOW?" "...Yes?" "WELL THEN!" "But you're crying." "SO?" "Because of the story." "WELL--" "I'm sorry, but that's a little odd." "...BUT.." "Have fun in Italy!"

So there you go! A glimpse into my unnatural attachment to the world of fanfiction. If you're wondering, yes, my mother knew it was a fanfic. Her initial reaction before she left for Canada and I told her I was 60K in: "So this is about, like, characters from a TV show?" "Yes." "And you can't publish it or something?" "HAHAHA no." "...I'm sorry, but I don't see the point." "IT! IS! SUPER! FUN!" "Yes, but...such a waste of so many words!"

My answer at the time: "But NOOOOOOOO! DDDDDDD:"

What I should've said: "I CHALLENGE THOU TO COMETH PROCLAIM THAT ON THE INTER WEBBS. I CHALLENGE THOU, WOMAN!"

Uuuuggghhh summer is disappearing. This is really sad. I loved this summer. I LOVED this summer. But then again, CHRISTMAS! AWESOME! CHRISTMAS IS ALSO AWESOME! And now that I've been spending six months glorifying summer, I can switch to glorifying winter until January. From now on, any fic I will write in the forthcoming five months will revolve solely around either A) people freezing in some way or another, or B) people using ~body temperature~ to keep each other from freezing. AND WITH PEOPLE, I MEAN SOME LOSER GUYS who probably get stuck in a cave or a hut of a hole in the ground or something. OR A TREE. OR SOMETHING.

FANDOM! FANDOMS! Why so slow around this time of year! Just when everyone has the TIME to pay attention, nothing happens. THIS IS ALWAYS THE SAME.

OH. I WANT TO DO A MEME. But I'll do it in a separate post, b/c this one has all this blabla which is distracting. WILL BE UP IN, LIKE, an hour. The spam will be much less noticeable if I spread it out like that, I think.

JESUS H CRIPES THE FIC IS THE SIZE OF A HOUSE

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:08:22 GMT

HELLO. BACK FROM ITALY. MORE ABOUT THAT SOON.

FIRST, BIG BANG.

Holy FUCKING shit, I can't believe I'm making this post.

*_*

Title: Accidental Memory in the Case of Death
Pairing: Something about an, errrm, Arthur and a--what was it again, Mervin? Merlane? IDEK.
Rating NC1746353754.
Warnings: Uhm. Uhm. Okay. Well, porn. That should be a warning. A lot of that. Bit of dubious con, dubious reincarnation, dubious--oh, just about everything. Also a bit (hah) of angst, character death (but, you know. IT'S REINCARNATION, so it sort of has to happen at some point), language, boys being all rough 'n tough, or maybe just generally stupid, and word count. Yes. You saw that right. Word count gets its own warning.
Word Count: 75.5K, BBS.
Summary: Tony O does not befriend losers. Tony O is not gay, not crazy, he is not particularly nice and he is most definitely not royalty. Destiny disagrees.

Arts! I HAVE ARTS, MADE BY FIVE AMAZING, AMAZING PEOPLE. Some I had a chance to admire beforehand, some I saw today for the first time, and I'm still walking about flailing due to the sheer AWESOME shown by these little human bundles of brilliance. Thank you all SO, SO much. I AM HONOURED AND HAPPY THAT I GOT TO WORK W/ EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, in one way or another!

A/M vs A/EM

xenakis_

yue_ix

A and Em

ladykuja

A and M

likeasugarcube

A TRAILER!

cherrybina

And now, I'm going to talk about my fic at length. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT. SO LONG, it gets its own cut.

Uggghhh. When did I start writing it? Febuary, ish? Even before that maybe, before the Big Bang even started, because I remember I'd just finished--the RPF fic? Or maybe I hadn't even written that yet. I was reading fic and stuff, and was thinking about fic, and possibilities of Merlin fic, and I was on the train back from school and my coach was basically empty. There was one other person, a man, across the aisle, idek what he looked like anymore but but I was staring at his pants (I HAD SUNGLASSES ON, IT WAS OK). And this is the exact lame line of thought I followed:

"Merrrrrlin. Merlin. And Arthur. Why aren't they real? I want them to be real. Haha, I'm stupid. What if they were real, though? But they didn't know it. What if the series accidentally hit on the truth, or part of it, and like, omg reincarnations and shit in actual RL how cool would that be, how COOL, OMG I COULD BE ARTHUR AND NOT KNOW IT. AND THE DUDE RIGHT THERE COULD BE MERLIN. AND NOT KNOW IT. AND WE'D BE IN THE SAME TRAIN AND WE WOULDN'T KNOW IT. Oh wouldn't that be cool. Wouldn't that be--oh, and then the train would go like, DEAD, and we'd be stuck and--"

And from there on out it just. Madness. Mostly madness. I wasn't going to write it at first. It seemed to ridiculous. "M/A FIC BASED ON MY LIFE! AKA COMMUTING AND SLACKING ON SCHOOLWORK, YESSS!" Who'd want to read that shit, really? I didn't even know. But then I'd be in a bus or--as usually--on the train back or to school, and I'd be bored and I'd just start thinking about it again. Came up with random scenes that only ensured me that this idea was completely batshit. Merlin on a skateboard? WHAT? PLAYING THE PIANO, WHATWHAT? ARTHUR'S MOTHER, UH, what, uncontrollable rutting sessions in the middle of a field, WHAAAAT?

But then I had to pick a BB plot. It was either this or a Medieval roadtrip. I don't know what made me pick this one over the other, but at some point I just did that wonderfully 'FUCK IT!' thing and went with the insane.

It took a loooong time for the plot to come together. I had snatches of ideas, scenes, but they didn't fit together. I didn't know which one would go first, last, didn't know how it'd end or what the point of it all was, and what with all the other crazy things I was doing--Gayms, anyone? COMMENT FIC MEMES? MORALLY DUBIOUS VARIATIONS ON A SHIP?--and all in all, it took a long time before I finally sat down and actually started writing it. The first paragraph. I don't think I've edited any bit of the story more than I have the beginning (oh god that was a hard one), but the first sentence always stayed the same. And now I can't even look at it without bursting into INEXPLICABLE over-emotional bouts of weeping. MY FIC! MY STORY! THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE FOR SO LONG! YOU ARE SO WEIRD! WHY AM I SO ATTACHED! etc etc.

Finally, I had a plot doc. Eight pages, and for ages it seemed like I wasn't going to get past page two of plot. There was so much to tell, even though it was all so unsubstantial, and a lot of times I didn't have the patience to wait for the goods bits so I just didn't write at all. CLEVER LITTLE PERSON THAT I AM. I tried to explain the story to a couple of people, and also on LJ, but whenever I do it all just--muddles into weird exclamations of PORN! and TRAINS! and SKATEBOARDS LOL! which is accurate, but also not very, and I still can't really tell you what the fic is about. Only that it's about something, and that something takes 75K to explain.

I am usually not that quick to admit this, buuuut even though the story most definitely stops resembling my life in any way the moment that train stops, or maybe it never did really resemble my life (HAHA I AM NOT ANTHONY, BELIEVE YOU ME. I'd be flattered to be him, really, the pup of an asshole that he is, but I'm not. DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY, MAN), I put a lot of mahself into it. Niek is reading it right now, emailing me MAD RESPONSES OF "HAHAHA" because she's picking up on things I've told her about the loserish things I've done in my life and how I've shamelessly shoved them off on Anthony. I don't do that a lot, in fic and stuff, but in this case I couldn't help it very much. Tony is, if anything, a loser in denial and if I know anything about anything--it's about being a loser in denial. About confusion re: other people's feelings, relationships and Why Folks Do The Shit That They Do. The characters are mostly made up. But some bits, yeah, that's a little real. Just a little! :D

The last month writing this was madness. I was wrapping up the last term, getting my financial shit in order, and then some other RL crazies that shouldn't interest anyone but that still made it hard to concentrate. But I wanted to write this, MORE THAN ANYTHING I WANTED TO FINISH--to have this out there, whether for good or for bad, and to sit back and laugh, incredulously. Which I guess is what I'm doing right now. What the fuck! What the FUCK! HA HA! HA!

All the while, right about one third in, I had Bina there with me. I was sending her bits, every scene the moment it was finished, and we knew it was going to be a big fic (I remember getting to page 2 of the plot, at 20K, and concluding I'd finish at around 80K. You know what I said? "NO WAY. DUDE THAT'S--NO. I swear to you it won't be longer than 40. 40K MAX! MAXXXX!"), and I was getting excited and was imagining the end result in the sense of--how it'd just look. ON THE SITE. I imagined the review page (LOL AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS? I refuse to think so. I bet you all do it.), imagined it being either people going "...uhm" or, "HA HA HA HA", and not much else. OR, WHEN I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME WRITING, I imagined lengthy comments explaining to me all the places I went wrong and fucked up my story. I WAS FEEDING OFF BINA'S COMMENTARY LIKE CRAZY BY THEN. I had a growing 30+ fic on my hands, barely knowing what was going on with it, and everything about writing it was just FRAZZLED. I mean, not the writing itself (I hope O_O), but the process. Sitting down, talking about it, avoiding it, thinking about it--all frazzled, all over the place, way too excited for something so silly and porny.

Then, the last two weeks or so, as the end (didn't really) drew near, I--if you do so recall--begged together a small army of betas. cherrybina, staraflur, itachitachi and loftily. Staraflur opened a google doc with what I had so far (not a lot), and I added scenes daily while they beta'd as we went.

I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN TO YOU ALL THE STUFF THAT HAPPENED IN THAT DOC, BUT IT'S DIFFICULT. Live betaing can be hard to--well, come to terms with at times, BECAUSE I AM SENSITIVE LIKE THAT, but once I got over that (pretty quickly, actually)--oh my god. THE CONVERSATIONS. THE COMMENTARIES. THE LOLZ! THE RAINBOW! I think I'll miss that the most. I just had so much fun, watching that crew do their work and discussing things, or just exploding in caps, or the TOTAL FUCKING ADRENALINE THRILL OF FINISHING A CHAPTER and posting it and SEEING OTHER PEOPLE READ IT RIGHT THERE. God, how those girls saved my ASS. THE TYPOS THAT I MADE. THE TOTAL STUPIDITY I AM CAPABLE OF AT TIMES AMAZES ME, but I'm glad for it, B/C I LEARNED. AND HAD FUN. AND. JUST. I owe those four so much, idek if they realise. SO MUCH! DHKJHDFKH! ♥

And now it's posted. Fuck. Fuck! Yesterday there was Heineken beer in our fridge. We never have Heineken. I CRACKED THE FUCK UP. IRONY, YOU WILL NEVER STOP BEING HILARIOUS.

More people I would like to thank: zarathuse, WITHOUT WHOM THE ALT TITLE "THE HINEYKEN" WOULD'VE NEVER EXISTED and who'll never let me live down the bottle thing, which I am secretly grateful for b/c wtf, really. niekiej, who supported without knowing even when she was SHAKING HER HEAD AND GOING "DUUUUUDE. NO.", who listened to me talk about bottles Up The A when we were in a deserted church somewhere in the mountains of Tuscany. And to you, for enthusiasm and encouragement and all the laughter. Amazing, amazing people. All of you.

AND YES I KNOW IT'S ONLY A FIC DO NOT GIVE ME THAT LOOK.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 22:42:41 GMT

BRB ---> vacation time :D

I'll see you all in two weeks, crazies! Please to be spamming up this post with everything I'll be missing. IDC what, fic, posts, vids, pimping, drama, pics, random thoughts, ANYTHING! AS LONG AS IT'S CLICKABLE OR GAIUS ON A SEGWAY, I'M GAME.

♥!!!

ahaha random gif is random. WHO CARES IT'S SEX OF THE EYEBALLS :3